Heartbreak Express

We're here to ruin your day

Because, let's be real, you've probably just gone through a terrible breakup and you need a reminder that you're a hot mess of emotions and tears and ice cream

Or maybe you just need some advice on how to properly wallow in your own self-pity

Either way, welcome to Heartbreak Express, where we serve up a side of heartache with every serving of our expertly crafted misery

So sit back, relax, and let the sorrow wash over you like a warm bath of despair

Or, you know, just go to the Heartbreak Solutions subpage for some actual help, if you're into that sort of thing

Or maybe just browse our Heartbreak Memories subpage, where we've curated a list of all the times we've ruined your favorite TV shows and movies by forcing you to watch them during a breakup

Either way, we've got you covered, with a special in-transit offer of free therapy sessions, just for you! (Just kidding, those are not actually free, and we're not actually licensed to practice therapy)

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